Future Spouse Gifts

Billboard / Sue wil you marry me? -Bob / And what about grandkids? - Bob's Mom.

'What - you don't want to marry me after you became rich and famous? Oh, great! Now I've got to think about a new pension plan!'

The wedding.

'It was so romantic. He got down on one knee, showed me the ring, and proposed--right after we exchanged credit reports.'

TAP TAP TAP TAP

"That's all I get? A sonogram? No tracking number?"

Coming Soon - Maternity Clinic. Coming Soon After - Law Firm Dealing in Medical Malpractice.

The Complete Book of Baby Names. Oooh, what do you think of 110101110110? Isn't that cute?

'Why don't you leave the planning of our wedding to me?'

"If I turn it up I might get out of here quicker!"

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

Baby's First Words... Hi Guys!

-THIRTY thousand? I thought you wanted TEN thousand? -I'm having triplets!

'OK Mr and Mrs Johnson let's spin the wheel and find you a child!'

Baby, baby maker

'Don't worry about gaining weight after the baby - you'll run it off during the toddler years.'

"Dear Mum. As contractions begin I thank you for letting me share your uterus. When do I get my bond money back??"

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

'As your doctor, I'd strongly advise that you not laugh at your wife when you beat her at tennis!'

"It's perfect for starting a family."

Maternity ward: 'Baby talk spoken here.'

'...In functionality and in dysfunctionality....'

'We need to discuss your ultrasound.'

'First, let's see him program a DVD recorder.'

"Did you want to know if the baby's a boy or a girl?"

"And if that day comes, sweetie, just make sure your wedding album is inclusive-looking."

Parenting Academy...I failed insemination.

'I'm sorry, but 'I'll see how I feel on the night' isn't really acceptable.'

"We can make you more pregnant than you ever though possible."

'I'm never having kids, I hear they take nine months to download.'

"Amazing. For the fifth consecutive month the polling shows I'm the most popular foetus here."

We decided that a puppy would be good practice before having a baby.

'And once we transfer the embryo, aspirate the follicles, and align your ovulation with the doctor's gold schedule, voila -- natures little miracle.'

'We should probably think about baby proofing the place a bit.'

"Some day son, all this will belong to your ex-wives."