Bride Gifts

Tradition v. Reality: 'My client agrees to 'love', but needs clarification on 'honor', and 'obey' is a deal-breaker...'

I know it seems a bit misplaced, but it does pay all the wedding expenses !'

The reception was held outdoors, next to an ATM, for the convenience of any guest who forgot to bring a gift.

'Darling, how romantic...a pre-nup.'

"Whew! At last, I can eat!"

'And when she says jump, do you promise to ask how high?'

"Your best man hasn't shown up either. Probably just a coincidence."

'Bob will be along shortly to marry you. He's looking over a mint-condition, 1965 Mustang that just went on sale.'

A Successful Wedding Party Returns From the Hunt

"If anyone thinks the bride could do better, speak now or..."

'Okay, so you were right; maybe figuring 13 bottles of wine per person was a little too much.'

'He Will!'

'Well yes, I suppose it is a multiple-choice question'

'It will never last...!'

"Do you, Joan, promise to love, cherish and make sure Josh takes his cholesterol lowering medication each day?"

'Good job I haven't got to worry about my figure anymore.'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

It Starts: "That's what you're wearing?"

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

Visual Gag: An about to be married Bride using a real train as a wedding gown train

'But we can't go to Australia for our honeymoon, you know how my Mother hates flying!'

'And do you, James, believe you deserved that beating Annie gave you for inviting your ex-girlfriend to the wedding.'

'I do - allowing for a 50 margin of error...'

"Now, according to this agreement, his problems will be your problems, and your problems will be your problems."

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

Bride with a ventriloquist's dummy.

'...And do you John take Jennifer to be your lawfully wedded wife? To have and to hold, to write off on your taxes?'

"He thinks we're going to see a football match."

'The groom called to say he'll have to marry you next weekend instead. He totally forgot he had tickets to the basketball game this weekend.'

'Smile and say: tofu-based dairy substitute.'

Signs You Play Too Much Texas Hold 'Em

'It will be a big wedding, I invited all 2679 of my facebook friends,'

'I now pronounce you man and wife...'

"Actually, it's customary to say 'I do' to the groom, rather than text it."

"What's your dad waiting for-a receipt?"