Grocery List Aficionado Gifts

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

Witches Checkout.

"Goodness! These tomatoes look so good!"

"The checkout clerk will now testily remind you to press 'ok'."

'And this one is just today's grocery list from my wife.'

'Bananas! Once you've skinned them and removed the bone, there's nothing left.'

Mouse shopping after hours

"Mummy! Can't we go to Tescos like everyone else?"

"Why doesn't the budget ax ever fall in the produce department?"

"I know I've matured because I choose to purchase my own candy instead of stealing my children's."

'Tom's never been good at managing his word count down...which is why I've got a 363 page shopping list!'

"I need one of them and one of them..."

"This banana I bought yesterday, when I peeled it it was empty!"

The Creature of the Black Legume

Woman has man in shopping trolley

"OMG! I've bought wine instead of milk...again!"

"After that, our marriage ripened into a divorce."

'I said Mascarpone not Mask A Pony!'

Meats

"Unexpected Spanish Inquisition in bagging area ..."

9 items or less at the gates of heaven

"When water turns into ice, which of its physical properties increases?"

'Now let's see...We need fodder...'

"I always buy toilet paper in bulk. My family shreds through it so quickly."

"It makes it easier on the customers when I ring up the total!"

Snacks, Condiments, Necessary Evils.

"OK, I've led you down the aisle. Can we have sex now?"

Trolley Cage.

"We can put a man on the moon, but we can't put a Trader Joe's on Wailea Beach?!"

'Oh that's actually for here, not to go.'

Supermarkets