Grocery Lists Gifts

"You forgot to pick up my prescription, didn't you?"

Domestic Superheroes!!

"Good For You / Bad For You"

'No Renee, not until you get two degrees, pass a rigorous physical, and beat out thousands of other qualified individuals.'

"Enough with how great the public schools are. Just tell us – is there a Trader Joe’s nearby?"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

Twenty-first century baby walker

Heavy man sees 'Comfort Food' aisle

"Wild-caught, farm-raised, lab-grown, beach-found, or aquarium-harvested."

"After the drugstore, I need you to find fresh parmesan."

"I want some long, thin square ones - for chips..."

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

Important Food Groups

'If by 'great', you mean 'terrible', then yes, we have plenty of great beers for under $4.00 a six-pack.'

"Milk, butter, bread - all past the expiration date. either he just hadn't noticed before, or his time machine worked."

Instant Laundry Detergent, 'Just add water'.

Dad Trophies

"Everything's gone up."

Only 1 calorie per serving: One million servings per can.

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Wait, what are you doing?"

"I always end up buying way more black-truffle honey than I intended."

Only One Item or Fewer.

'I love this supermarket; they have the easiest to understand wine department.'

''I'm totally committed to simplifying my life. No more shitake jalapeno pesto.'

Witches Checkout.

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Unusual Offers

"Okay, lets see what we have here."

'Diet considerations.'

'I decided to start buying food in bulk. I hope you're hungry!'

Apple section of supermarket - 'Granny Smith's'.

Diets: Sweets and Biscuits.

'I've got it written down...'