Grief Comedian Gifts

'You're sure that's one of the stages of grief?'

"This is my new country song I wrote about my self-driving truck leaving me..."

'Please join me now in a group meditation.'

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'Actually,I didn't start drinking until his dog died.'

If a tree falls on a philosopher in the woods, and no one is there to hear his screams for help, did he really make a sound?

"I broke off the relationship, then came the endless reminders, the sad letters and emails...It's tough cancelling a subscription."

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

"Lost his first hat about nine months ago. Really tore him up too."

"As always he found a way to duck out of working overtime!"

'He was a shooting star, passing through the firmament. Lighting up our dull lives with his all too brief presence.' 'I think we're at the wrong funeral.'

Priest gives the last rites to an expired metre.

"Well he was there a minute ago!"

'Has the news finished yet?'

'He arranged it himself. Let's face it he really was the skinflint's skinflint...'

Fisherman Funneral

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

"I think it's important to remember that he isn't gone forever. He's still alive. He just played a character on TV who died."

Bugs hold a candle-light vigil for fallen comrade while the old man responsible for his death is unrepentant.

'Why is he always hanging around?'

"Of course we have unlimited data..."

"When Kevin walked into a room, he lit it up."

'When you said we were planting a bug, this isn't what I thought you had in mind."

O'Leary's Monuments

'I'd always hoped that I'd leave this mortal coil surrounded by my beautiful, loving family,,, so can some of you ugly ones move to the back'

'I believe it's a snuff box.'

"I meet a lot of women in my work but I'm not good at forming long-lasting relationships."

"Help! Help! I've fallen and I can't get over my old girlfriend!"

"Don't you hate that? Now I think of the perfect last words!"

'He was a grateful man...just not in a good way.'

'Well yes. I guess it makes you look taller.'

'I led a long and happy life. Twenty business cycles.'