Gridiron Grouch Gifts

Rose Bowl Lawsuit

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'OK, everybody, calm down,,,'

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

When Shakespeare gets up early, on the wrong side of the bed of a stranger, and in a clown suit... Later that same day, he will commence work on 'The Comedy of Errors.'"

'I swear by my spell checker. I have a mental block for spelling. Even 'Hooqued on Foniks' didn't help.'

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

Vaccinating Death

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

Input From The Front Office

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

Mark Gastineau

"First, go fix your head. You've got Hibernation Head."

Snowman Football Fan.

'I hate the moods yuo wake up in!'

"I'd say your pride trumps mine!!!" "Me, too!!!"

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

Before instant replay.

Diner. Breakfast Specials. I'm a type "C" personality. Until I have my morning coffee I have no personality at all.

I'm filling out my myface.com and I have a question. Rudy Park, tech genius, at your service. Should I pretend to be 10,12 or 26 years old? 32? I configure browsers, not fake personas! I think I'll play for the Broncos.

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

"You're back! You're really back...!"

Vikings to the Super bowl.