Grouch Club Member Gifts

'Good grief, Martha...surely I can slump into a little grouchiness occasionally.'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

When Shakespeare gets up early, on the wrong side of the bed of a stranger, and in a clown suit... Later that same day, he will commence work on 'The Comedy of Errors.'"

'I swear by my spell checker. I have a mental block for spelling. Even 'Hooqued on Foniks' didn't help.'

Vaccinating Death

'I hate all holidays!'

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

'I hate the moods yuo wake up in!'

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

"First, go fix your head. You've got Hibernation Head."

"...The Spirits are out at the moment, but if you'd like to leave a message...."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'Can I sleep over in the real world? Please, please, please, please.'

'Post-Hibernation Blues'

'I don't think there actually is a right side of the bed for you to wake up on, Dear!'

Circus doctor.

"Tuesday mornings don't get enough respect. They should be hated just as much as Monday mornings."

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

“Sorry, we don’t accept the living dead.”

How to wear a false moustache.

Grump Horse and Rider

'Don't worry, dear... I'll fix the coffee... where do you keep the tap water?'

First Cynic in Space

"Sure, it's disgusting, but it's nice to have something that needs me."

'Good Morning Handsome'

Which Cup? 'Me' or 'Real Me'?

'Remind me, what should I be thanking my lucky stars for?'

'The doctor said I shouldn't drink so much coffee. Does it look like I'm drinking?'

Office workers describing their mornings

'Oh, come on. We just need one more body. Please die.'