Grouch Club Member Gifts

'Good grief, Martha...surely I can slump into a little grouchiness occasionally.'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

When Shakespeare gets up early, on the wrong side of the bed of a stranger, and in a clown suit... Later that same day, he will commence work on 'The Comedy of Errors.'"

'I swear by my spell checker. I have a mental block for spelling. Even 'Hooqued on Foniks' didn't help.'

'I hate all holidays!'

Vaccinating Death

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"First, go fix your head. You've got Hibernation Head."

'I hate the moods yuo wake up in!'

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

Diner. Breakfast Specials. I'm a type "C" personality. Until I have my morning coffee I have no personality at all.

"...The Spirits are out at the moment, but if you'd like to leave a message...."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

How to wear a false moustache.

"Tuesday mornings don't get enough respect. They should be hated just as much as Monday mornings."

'Post-Hibernation Blues'

“Sorry, we don’t accept the living dead.”

"Blood bank robbery...you?"

Circus doctor.

'Can I sleep over in the real world? Please, please, please, please.'

'I don't think there actually is a right side of the bed for you to wake up on, Dear!'

Grump Horse and Rider

Which Cup? 'Me' or 'Real Me'?

"Sure, it's disgusting, but it's nice to have something that needs me."

'Good Morning Handsome'

Mr. Cranky Pants Plants A garden Part 10

'Don't worry, dear... I'll fix the coffee... where do you keep the tap water?'

First Cynic in Space

'Remind me, what should I be thanking my lucky stars for?'

'Oh, come on. We just need one more body. Please die.'

The trouble with the speed of light is it gets here too early in the morning.

Early Attempt at an Alarm Snooze Button

'The doctor said I shouldn't drink so much coffee. Does it look like I'm drinking?'