Galactic Grouch Gifts

First Cynic in Space

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

Boptimism

When Shakespeare gets up early, on the wrong side of the bed of a stranger, and in a clown suit... Later that same day, he will commence work on 'The Comedy of Errors.'"

'I swear by my spell checker. I have a mental block for spelling. Even 'Hooqued on Foniks' didn't help.'

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

Vaccinating Death

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

"Lighten up! Your charts aren't that bad."

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're our only hope."

'You said I should check back with you if I didn't get any better. . .'

"First, go fix your head. You've got Hibernation Head."

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'I hate the moods yuo wake up in!'

'And so thanks to my dad's waistline I now understand the theory of our constantly expanding universe!'

A not-so-happy God, with the Humans, sticking an Eviction Notice to the Earth

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

Dad Planet: 'Hey you KIDS! I thought i said no ORBITING in the house!'

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

Diner. Breakfast Specials. I'm a type "C" personality. Until I have my morning coffee I have no personality at all.

You have a lot of patients coming to your for counseling! Yeah, I just saw a supernova who is dealing with burnout. Later, I'll see Pluto about his inferiority complex and a black hole who wants to fill a void in its life. Then Hailey's Comet and his wife will discuss why he's rarely there for her. Since your practice went universal it just keeps expanding! You're so busy! Yeah, my head is spinning!

'I could have sworn I put those moon rocks in my pocket...'

Expanding Sun engulfs Planets

"I love it when they come with warning labels."

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

"Oh, oh - looks like a blue shift."

"Are you sure they'll be able to read English?"

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

Black Hole Corks

"Hey, universe! I'm significant and I'm in charge!"

"Anything you say, Mr. Einstein, can be used to explain the origin of the universe."

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'