Gridiron Grouch Pillows

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

'Another football scholarship offer?'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

When Shakespeare gets up early, on the wrong side of the bed of a stranger, and in a clown suit... Later that same day, he will commence work on 'The Comedy of Errors.'"

'I swear by my spell checker. I have a mental block for spelling. Even 'Hooqued on Foniks' didn't help.'

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Vaccinating Death

'At least we don't have to accomplish anything in order to go to a bowl game.'

Input From The Front Office

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

Mark Gastineau

"First, go fix your head. You've got Hibernation Head."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

"I'd say your pride trumps mine!!!" "Me, too!!!"

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

Snowman Football Fan.

'I hate the moods yuo wake up in!'

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

Before instant replay.

'My knee's in rehab. This one's a loaner.'