Grammar Grouch Pillows

'I swear by my spell checker. I have a mental block for spelling. Even 'Hooqued on Foniks' didn't help.'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

When Shakespeare gets up early, on the wrong side of the bed of a stranger, and in a clown suit... Later that same day, he will commence work on 'The Comedy of Errors.'"

Vaccinating Death

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

"First, go fix your head. You've got Hibernation Head."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

'I hate the moods yuo wake up in!'

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Moanathon.

"Good evening, Charles - windy out, is it?"

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'I don't think there actually is a right side of the bed for you to wake up on, Dear!'

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

'Post-Hibernation Blues'

"Tuesday mornings don't get enough respect. They should be hated just as much as Monday mornings."

'Good grief, Martha...surely I can slump into a little grouchiness occasionally.'

'Good Morning Handsome'

Which Cup? 'Me' or 'Real Me'?

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

First Cynic in Space

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

'Don't worry, dear... I'll fix the coffee... where do you keep the tap water?'

Uncle Murray Weekly

'FQ...?'

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

'Remind me, what should I be thanking my lucky stars for?'

Pissed-off hour.