Grammar Grouch Pillows

'I swear by my spell checker. I have a mental block for spelling. Even 'Hooqued on Foniks' didn't help.'

'Medical school's been more challenging since the cadavers turned into zombies.'

When Shakespeare gets up early, on the wrong side of the bed of a stranger, and in a clown suit... Later that same day, he will commence work on 'The Comedy of Errors.'"

Vaccinating Death

"He was a grouch when I met him. It was love at first gripe."

"First, go fix your head. You've got Hibernation Head."

"Wait, I've got sand in my shoe."

Mood swings: Swing 1 - 'Looks like it's going to be another wonderful day!' Swing 2 - 'Who CARES link brain! I hope it rains acid!!' Swing 3 - 'I think i'm going to CRRRY!'

'I hate the moods yuo wake up in!'

'Next time you feel like keeping in touch, keep in touch with somebody else.'

Diner. Breakfast Specials. I'm a type "C" personality. Until I have my morning coffee I have no personality at all.

'I try to avoid the trap of letting my idleness define me.'

Moanathon.

"Good evening, Charles - windy out, is it?"

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'

'I don't think there actually is a right side of the bed for you to wake up on, Dear!'

'Post-Hibernation Blues'

'To be honest, you're the only one who sometimes bothers to hear my complaints.'

"Tuesday mornings don't get enough respect. They should be hated just as much as Monday mornings."

'Good grief, Martha...surely I can slump into a little grouchiness occasionally.'

"Blood bank robbery...you?"

At the Irritable Bowel Syndrome Convention.

"If you must paw something, why don't you hit the snooze button?"

Which Cup? 'Me' or 'Real Me'?

"Well, we’ve covered the weather, my prostate, your incontinence … I suppose our idiot children are up next?"

'Good Morning Handsome'

'FQ...?'

"Being in the now today sure ain't like the good ol' now!"

Uncle Murray Weekly

'Don't worry, dear... I'll fix the coffee... where do you keep the tap water?'

First Cynic in Space

Mr. Cranky Pants Plants A garden Part 10

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

'Remind me, what should I be thanking my lucky stars for?'

Early Attempt at an Alarm Snooze Button