Gridiron Guruthusiast Gifts

'Another football scholarship offer?'

Coach to football players: 'And no cuddling!'

"He tested positive for a new fever ... TB12."

'Just a word of advice ... He's a Saints' fan.'

"Good news...I found a doctor who says you can still play!"

Good luck tonight, xoxo, Coach.

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

Football team discussions.

Input From The Front Office

American Football.

"Awfully quiet... Must be a big game on!"

'The Wilsons picked up a quarterback in the off-season. The Riveras picked up a quarterback. The Ludwigs picked up a quaterback...'

"This guy's a terrific defensive lineman. I once saw him chase down a quakerback for nearly 40 yards before sacking him. It was in a shopping mall, but still..."

"If you think it's tough at this level, kid, wait until you get into calculus."

Mark Gastineau

Punishment for the kicker.

Football.

Rest in Peace Instant Replay

'I've decided to skip my senior year and go directly into an endless cycle of unrealistic expectations and failure.'

Snowman Football Fan.

The locker room door suddenly swings open, and Randy is busted by a steroid-sniffing dog.

"Okay, he looks pretty stable – switch the middle screen back to the Superbowl."

'That was one of the most beautiful blocks I've ever seen; but you were supposed to carry the ball on that play.'

A football player accidentally kicks off the head of another football player.

'Get out there, Holmes, and pile on!'

"Well, dad. . . when I was a kid I got in trouble for trampling on the lawn or for beating up others. . . today, I get a lot of money for it!"

"Upon further review, the receiver did not establish a meaningful and personal relationship with the football, therefore it is ruled an incomplete pass."

The Thurston State Hornets make their entry onto the field.

Before instant replay.

'Quit whining, Sid, and walk it off! I'm not falling for that pulled muscle thing again!'

'We've got a personal hygiene foul! Number 70!... Fifteen yards!!'

'He intentionally entangles his face mask in my hand!'

Vikings to the Super bowl.

'My knee's in rehab. This one's a loaner.'

Just as he was about to be annihilated, Dirk makes an amazing discovery,