Green Comedian Gifts

"This material is 80% recycled."

"The hugging’s OK. The humping... not so much."

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

Recycling banks read Paper, Rock, Scissors.

Striving to reduce our dependence on fossil fuels, scientists attempt to harness the energy of a toddler's tantrum.

'It's not easy being green on grass!'

"Hi there! - I'm the world's first eco-friendly comedian... All My Jokes Are Recycled...!"

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

"Can I get this to go in an organic, locally recycled, eco-friendly doggie bag?"

"I didn't see the coffee table in the middle of the room, due to my visual impairment, caused by the rubbish light emitted by the government approved 150 watt energy saving bulb in my apartment..."

"I wouldn't take the name 'dog strangling vine' literally."

Where's my global warming?

"Of course I care about the environment, I never throw any clothes away."

Climate Conference. I'm glad you enjoyed my speech, but please don't call it the "high-water mark."

' I think I'm evolving due to global warming.'

"Brilliant! And then all they have to do is stop them flying at night."

Oil Spill Hits Wall St.

'So there's global warming. What possible harm could it do?'

'I'd say that our transport policy couldn't get any greener'

"You have a good lie."

"You're not helping the methane problem, you know."

Shipwrecked with an environmentalist.

Paper Bath Towels.

Will work for manure.

'It's not you...it's your carbon footprint!'

igloo smoking zone...

"Hide? What do you mean hide? We are literally camouflage and they still eat us!"

We've gotten all we can with traditional drilling techniques. What do you know about fracking?

"How much energy did you use to create me? I wasn't awakened with nuclear power, was I?..."

'It's a very common plant on earth.'

"Your DNA test came back – you're 49% from the Amazon, 49% from the Caribbean, and 2% from some plastics plant in Texas."

'It is fuel efficient, but my ego feels crunched.'

'Gene Pool'

Earth-Friendly Financial Services: "Working to protect our planet by accumulating vast piles of your money."

'What kind of mileage do you get?'