Grape Gourmand T-Shirts

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

"Y'know, these grapes aren't a patch on the ones I brought you last time!"

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

"They're good-luck foods...for winning!!"

The wonderful world of cheese.

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

Just one more choccy...

A London gent abroad

'Gretel, she's lying. It's not gluten free!'

'Your fish dinner should be along shortly. Frank just had a nibble.'

"And the best part of grinding their bones to make your bread - totally gluten free!"

'You could use more fiber in your diet; go sow a few wild oat brans.'

"Of course this is a pizza! Man, I've always been a rebel!"

Dijon Vu

'Don't worry, Sir. Most of our customers get indigestion when they see the bill.'

"Love the cheese - not so sure about the presentation."

"So, it's Gluten free, lactose free and meat free. How does it taste?"

No matter where. . . everyone gravitates toward the kitchen.

Capturing a Cook

The experience was exhilarating. You could eat like a pig and weigh nothing.

God Cooks Up Evolution

"Table number five have just eaten their table decoration!"

"If I'm billing six hundred dollars an hour, lunch just cost me $ 638.75."

"Now this is what I call a thanksgiving break."

"And now it's gluten free!"

"The book, How to Serve Man! It's. . . It's a cook book, filled with recipes that use MSG and transfats!"

Coffee, toast and some of my special homemade turkey marmalade!

"I found out something last night that just totally destroyed my worldview."

"And how’s my grass-fed, hormone-free cash cow doing today?"