Gourmet Gourmand T-Shirts

Now at the Farmers' Market

"Love the cheese - not so sure about the presentation."

Just one more choccy...

Eating too many crab cakes had a profound effect on Dave.

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"It's not just compared to the table, damn it. This is a small portion."

The wonderful world of cheese.

"If I'm billing six hundred dollars an hour, lunch just cost me $ 638.75."

"Now this is what I call a thanksgiving break."

Tomorrow we'll cheer the fourth of July! Picnics with families mean hot dogs to buy! Flags will be waving so proudly up high! And fireworks displays will light the night sky which Frank will miss due to way too much pie! Pie Eating Contest!

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

'Don't worry, Sir. Most of our customers get indigestion when they see the bill.'

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

To do before Saturday...

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'