Gourmand T-Shirts

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"If you'll excuse me, my adventurous palate is at constant war with my delicate ecosystem of gut bacteria."

Capturing a Cook

'Thank you - that was delicious.'

'Enjoy? Don't tell me what to do.'

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Dijon Vu

The wonderful world of cheese.

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"I love finding my food at the Farmers Market. Makes me feel like a true pioneer."

Just one more choccy...

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

'Are you ready for dessert?'

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

'You could use more fiber in your diet; go sow a few wild oat brans.'

'Don't worry, Sir. Most of our customers get indigestion when they see the bill.'

"Love the cheese - not so sure about the presentation."

"Cemetery Pie"

God Cooks Up Evolution

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

"Table number five have just eaten their table decoration!"

"If I'm billing six hundred dollars an hour, lunch just cost me $ 638.75."

'What d'you say to a massive Szechuan-style wok fry-up before we start?'

Coffee, toast and some of my special homemade turkey marmalade!

"Now this is what I call a thanksgiving break."

'Bad news... all our tests came back with you as delicious.'

"No thanks, kid, but I'll take four pounds of the gouda and all the brie that you got."

'Creme Vichyssoise?' 'I'll have a cheese roll.'

"I'm done - I only jog far enough to burn off the cheesecake I had for breakfast."

'If you're in a hurry, why did you order the snails?'

"It's not just compared to the table, damn it. This is a small portion."