Breakfast Gourmand T-Shirts

"I'm done - I only jog far enough to burn off the cheesecake I had for breakfast."

Coffee, toast and some of my special homemade turkey marmalade!

The wonderful world of cheese.

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

Just one more choccy...

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

'Your fish dinner should be along shortly. Frank just had a nibble.'

'You could use more fiber in your diet; go sow a few wild oat brans.'

Dijon Vu

'Don't worry, Sir. Most of our customers get indigestion when they see the bill.'

"Love the cheese - not so sure about the presentation."

Endangered Entrees

'It seems the environment people, the health department and the food and drug administration all have reservations about his place.'

"I'd like seconds!"

Capturing a Cook

"Table number five have just eaten their table decoration!"

"I think I'll go home and start some unhealthy eating habits I'll live to regret."

"If I'm billing six hundred dollars an hour, lunch just cost me $ 638.75."

'What d'you say to a massive Szechuan-style wok fry-up before we start?'

You've Got Mail

"Now this is what I call a thanksgiving break."

He didn't even remember signing up for the taste test.

Easter Eggs

'Excellent grape jelly, Mother -- I detect Macabeo, Arinto, Rotgipfler, and just a hint of Hondarrabi Zuri.'

"It's not just compared to the table, damn it. This is a small portion."

'If you're in a hurry, why did you order the snails?'