Breakfast Gourmet T-Shirts

'Excellent grape jelly, Mother -- I detect Macabeo, Arinto, Rotgipfler, and just a hint of Hondarrabi Zuri.'

Easter Eggs

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

Too much cilantro

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

French wine

The Main Types of Cheese

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

To do before Saturday...

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

His Her Cakes

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."