Breakfast Gourmet Gifts

'Excellent grape jelly, Mother -- I detect Macabeo, Arinto, Rotgipfler, and just a hint of Hondarrabi Zuri.'

Easter Eggs

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Every time you make a blend, somewhere, a wine maker dies.

"Is there any way I can un-drink this wine?"

French wine

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

His Her Cakes

Too much cilantro

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

To do before Saturday...

'No, I'm not the sommelier; in fact, I don't even work here - I've just always wanted to try this wine.'

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

The Main Types of Cheese

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."