Gourmet Gregarious T-Shirts

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

Too much cilantro

The Main Types of Cheese

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

To do before Saturday...

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

'Is this still America?'

Holiday Supplies

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

Cheese

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'Cooking'

"The bagels are better in New York."

"This place is famous for its short fiction about food."

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'