Easygoing Gourmet T-Shirts

"I prefer my pineapples in Colada form."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

Join me for dinner?

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Haute Chinese

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

'Pass the grey stuff.'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

Cut out and keep your own Chef

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

"Fridge-to-table"

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

'It's an acquired taste!'

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."