Easygoing Gourmet Gifts

"I prefer my pineapples in Colada form."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

'I'll have the bacon and hay wrap.'

"I remember his last words were, 'Another bite and I'll burst!'..."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"And exactly how is the peanut-butter-and-jelly prepared?"

'I'm sorry, sir, but it's hats off for the Chef's Special!'

"We'd like the roasted homework for two. And fetch us a bottle of your finest toilet water."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

Haute Chinese

Join me for dinner?

I told you I got us the best table in the house. Pizza.

"Waiter... my entrée fell over."

Man with a 'menu', woman with a 'womenu'.

"You see, I don't believe in eating fast. I believe in savoring. I....hey, stop looking at my food!"

Cut out and keep your own Chef

"Fridge-to-table"

'Pass the grey stuff.'

'You want to eat out tonight? -- What if we get addicted to good food?'

"Sorry about the delay, sir. The manager is interviewing chefs at this very moment."

"Everybody's doing quinoa—at least Kamut still has a nice grainier-than-thou quality."

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

"Whatever is quickest - I'm starving!"

A restaurant with a "Main Dining Room" and a "Room for Dessert".

"Pinot Noir, God's apology for White Zinfandel."

"Chef, we've run out of terracotta roof tiles!"

"I'm told the items marked with happy faces are especially yummy."

'You don't appreciate anything I cook!'

"When I eat out, I like to order something I would never make at home."

"I'm sorry, but Chef Scott feels he's moved beyond that concept."

"You're right, Pierre, they are licking their plates."

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

"When Picasso was hungry he would swap a painting for a meal. Times change. I am a celebrity chef..."