Grim Gourmand T-Shirts

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

The wonderful world of cheese.

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

"Perhaps we should cleanse our palates first?"

Just one more choccy...

Tomorrow we'll cheer the fourth of July! Picnics with families mean hot dogs to buy! Flags will be waving so proudly up high! And fireworks displays will light the night sky which Frank will miss due to way too much pie! Pie Eating Contest!

A London gent abroad

"It's fondue night!"

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

'Are you ready for dessert?'

Dijon Vu

"Of course this is a pizza! Man, I've always been a rebel!"

'According to my count, he sticked 23, gloved 18 and ate 5.'

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

'Don't worry, Sir. Most of our customers get indigestion when they see the bill.'

'You could use more fiber in your diet; go sow a few wild oat brans.'

"Love the cheese - not so sure about the presentation."

"Cemetery Pie"

Capturing a Cook

God Cooks Up Evolution

No matter where. . . everyone gravitates toward the kitchen.

The experience was exhilarating. You could eat like a pig and weigh nothing.

You've Got Mail

Coffee, toast and some of my special homemade turkey marmalade!

"Now this is what I call a thanksgiving break."

"I found out something last night that just totally destroyed my worldview."

"The book, How to Serve Man! It's. . . It's a cook book, filled with recipes that use MSG and transfats!"

"If I'm billing six hundred dollars an hour, lunch just cost me $ 638.75."

'What d'you say to a massive Szechuan-style wok fry-up before we start?'