Grim Gourmand T-Shirts

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

The wonderful world of cheese.

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

The Coffee Shop Vats of New Jersey

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

Just one more choccy...

A London gent abroad

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

"It's fondue night!"

'Are you ready for dessert?'

Dijon Vu

"Try and push the eye of newt and wing of bat casserole."

'You could use more fiber in your diet; go sow a few wild oat brans.'

'According to my count, he sticked 23, gloved 18 and ate 5.'

"Of course this is a pizza! Man, I've always been a rebel!"

'Don't worry, Sir. Most of our customers get indigestion when they see the bill.'

"Love the cheese - not so sure about the presentation."

No matter where. . . everyone gravitates toward the kitchen.

The experience was exhilarating. You could eat like a pig and weigh nothing.

God Cooks Up Evolution

"Cemetery Pie"

Capturing a Cook

You've Got Mail

"The book, How to Serve Man! It's. . . It's a cook book, filled with recipes that use MSG and transfats!"

Coffee, toast and some of my special homemade turkey marmalade!

"That's one t-bone steak for you sir, and a bowl of blood and guts for your zombie friend."

"I found out something last night that just totally destroyed my worldview."

'What d'you say to a massive Szechuan-style wok fry-up before we start?'

"Now this is what I call a thanksgiving break."

"If I'm billing six hundred dollars an hour, lunch just cost me $ 638.75."