Grant Quester Gifts

"Do me next."

"An un-observed universe ceases to exist. Yeah right!"

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

"You never laugh at my jokes... "

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

"It's an interdimensional portal that can facilitate travel across both space and time... but we mostly use it for storage."

'I was working on developing anti-matter under laboratory conditions, but I couldn't find anything to keep it in.'

'If the universe and everything in it is expanding, how come our budget gets shrunk all the time?'

"We seem to be at that point where particle physics leaves of and theology begins."

Time Travel Research Lab

'My God Pearson you're right. All these years the greates scientific minds have been looking for the theory of everything and all we had to do was Google it!'

"May I borrow your glasses so I can find my glasses?"

'I had laser eye surgery and I still can't find the remote.'

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

'I've overcome my fears of personal mortality and the indifference of the Universe, but I'm still a little worried about those skip-tracers.'

'So, there really is a Higgs Boson?'

"Dark energy's hard to detect because it's made from happiness."

'Newton's fourth law - physicists congregate periodically in obscure European cities to have their picture taken, and then they quickly disperse.

"I totally forgot what I came up here for."

'Why, thank you -- I made it out of a molehill.'

Higgs Boson particles at a training session: "Geneva is a no-fly zone."

''Not guilty,' eh? - Color me suspicious!'

'I became a theoretical physicist because my poor hand-eye coordination precluded me from doing experiments...'

"Hello! - Have you ever thought about changing your energy supplier..?"

'I'd like to eat out for a change.'

"This job could lead to smaller things."

'I've been reincarnated 47 time, and it's ALWAYS as some poor schlub sitting on a mountain!'