Grant Quester Pillows

"Can I come with you? I need a grant."

"Do me next."

"An un-observed universe ceases to exist. Yeah right!"

"It's a long way to Enlightenment. You might need some cash."

"Quantum Physics"? How am I going to learn all of this stuff? A bit at a time?

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

"You never laugh at my jokes... "

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

"All right, pal, I'm just saying, that's what I'd do if it was my Large Hadron Collider."

"It's an interdimensional portal that can facilitate travel across both space and time... but we mostly use it for storage."

'I was working on developing anti-matter under laboratory conditions, but I couldn't find anything to keep it in.'

'If the universe and everything in it is expanding, how come our budget gets shrunk all the time?'

"May I borrow your glasses so I can find my glasses?"

Time Travel Research Lab

"We seem to be at that point where particle physics leaves of and theology begins."

'My God Pearson you're right. All these years the greates scientific minds have been looking for the theory of everything and all we had to do was Google it!'

'I had laser eye surgery and I still can't find the remote.'

'Scientists claim they have found the 'God Particle'. In a related story, they are still looking for the 'Job Creator Particle'.'

"I totally forgot what I came up here for."

My dad's doing flowers for a huge sweet 16 party. Everyone's invited except me! Who cares? It's probably some loser who couldn't get anyone to come over without going over the top. Thanks, Em! You know what's important. Plus! We'll figure out whose party it is and crash it! You're my spiritual guide.

'So, there really is a Higgs Boson?'

'I've overcome my fears of personal mortality and the indifference of the Universe, but I'm still a little worried about those skip-tracers.'

'Newton's fourth law - physicists congregate periodically in obscure European cities to have their picture taken, and then they quickly disperse.

"Dark energy's hard to detect because it's made from happiness."

'Why, thank you -- I made it out of a molehill.'

'He's close -- he's developed a unified field theory for everything except anchovies.'

'I became a theoretical physicist because my poor hand-eye coordination precluded me from doing experiments...'

''Not guilty,' eh? - Color me suspicious!'

"Hello! - Have you ever thought about changing your energy supplier..?"

'I'd like to eat out for a change.'

Higgs Boson particles at a training session: "Geneva is a no-fly zone."

"This job could lead to smaller things."

Tonight: Lecture on 4th Dimensional Physics and Ontological Topology. Buy Tickets Here. Sorry, fellas, but I'm going to have to see some IQ.