Grant Hunter Gifts

"My grant ran out"

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

Paranormal A-Z...

Procrastinator Foumdation: 'We're putting off the decision to fund you for at least another month...'

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

Channelling on the Cheap

'Yes, they were using it to clean up the graffiti!'

'The best grants lie that-a-ways, Ma'am.'

'I became successful when my dreams changed from the Cary Grants of the world to federal grants.'

"I finally got tenure by publishing a research paper funded by a grant about subsidies."

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

How was the Halloween party? Who was there? It was fun, except the Zombie didn't talk to anybody. The Grim Reaper was a real killjoy, and the jack-o-lantern made a fool of himself -- by the end of the evening he was smashed. Did the Black Cat or the Ghost attend? I crossed paths with a black cat but I don't know if the Ghost came to the party. All night it felt like he was right there but I never actually saw him!

'I don't believe it - if this evidence is correct it'll rock the very foundations of our research grant application.'

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

'I really got to stop watching paranormal movies before bed!'

"I'm not really into organized religion, though I am very spiritual."

Great moments in science. . . 'Nice work, you've isolated the funding gene.'

"Does he have to do that every time he gets a little grant?"

"I'm not going to shoot the messenger, but I'm also not going to renew his grant."

'If the universe and everything in it is expanding, how come our budget gets shrunk all the time?'

Beer/Wine/Spirits.

"Excuse me, do you folks believe in ghosts?"

"What are we doing wrong?"

"Dean Williams, the grant committee approved my research grant to determine how many research grants are a waste of government money!"

"Forget it, Lenny. He's on the 'Do-not-Haunt' list."

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

Spiritual Show Observed by the Grim Reaper.

"Dad, it's gonna take more than that to scare me."

'Oh come on, I'm sure she'll still be there after Match of the Day's finished...'

'After only a few years in the market I had a small fortune - unfortunately I'd started out with a big one.'

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

"Lately, I've become more spiritual, and less religious."

Ghosts and a dog.

And if you press that one, somebody will come in and tell you what a great job you're doing.