Grandpa Gifts

"Hey, Gramps, is 'deathbed' one word or two?"

Life's a bench.

"Tell me again, Grandpa, about how you let your freak flag fly."

'That's Grandpa's main data processing system.'

'Thanks, kids. . . it's just what Grandpa wanted. . . the new remastered Rolling Stones retrospective.'

"It's your Grandpa's version of keeping up with technology...reading the papers online."

"No, grandpa...LGBT is not some new kind of bacon, lettuce and tomato snadwich."

Final Round of Biggest Snoozer.

Roasted

"I'm not sure...my mom's thirty-one, so my grandpa must be like two-hundred?"

"Grandpa's old school. He likes his cell phones and insulin pumps BIG!"

"It's a straightforward operation, but there can be complications such as; growing wings and wearing a halo."

Cutting Toenails.

Old man with straw in gin.

Make do and mend

You know you're getting up there in years when your birthday cake requires that extra box of candles....

'WOW! No wonder you take naps!'

"Come on, men! This is for our kids to live in a free world! And for our grandkids to grow up in a world where they can spend hours a day looking at cats on some sort of fantastic information machine!"

Happy Eightieth Birthday

'And then there was the time when I slipped off the cat and was trapped on the couch for a month!'

Retired Canadian t shirt guy.

'Grandpa, would you ever wear an adult diaper?'

"Dad's at that awkward age when he knows just enough about computers to really screw 'em up!"

"No need to brush your teeth, Grandpa. I put them in the washer with my clothes."

"Sorry, Dad, I can't help you with Facebook. Let me transfer you to Grandpa."

How your grandparents act vs. how your grandparents vote.

"Yes, grandpa, I did say my friend was blowing up my phone. But that's just a figure of speech. So there's no reason to call the fire department."

"I already have my crossing-the-street badge. How about I set up your Twitter feed?"

Dog peeing on slippers.

'The way I understand it, Grandpa spent the wild, psychedelic Sixties mostly watching Ed Sullivan.'

"The boys at Jack's Bait & Tackle will never believe this one!"

"What about the five that fell through?"

"Edward, you are already more than Christmassy enough."

A baby duck in a tiny car seat on the mother duck's back.

"Yale mom. Yale grandpa. Yale estranged creepy uncle."