Grandparent Gifts

"I'd just like to know what in hell is happening, that's all! I'd like to know what in hell is happening! Do you know what in hell is happening?"

Although adept at a great many other games, Muriel never quite got the hang of playing 'north' when invited over for bridge.

"What the hell did you do with your day before I retired?"

"All you really need in life is the love of a good cat."

Senior Mints

"Now, now, let's try using our NPR voice."

'Grandpa is showing us how they sent a text when he was a kid.'

"They grow up too fast."

'Help! I've fallen UP and I can't get back down!'

Tennis Balls

"Yes, we still love print, don't we?"

"Honey, your head's through the armhole again."

"Thus, the Yardbirds begat Cream, Spencer Davis Group begat Traffic, Cream and Traffic begat Blind Faith, and Blind Faith begat Derek and the Dominos and Ginger Baker's Air Force..."

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

"My advice is to learn all the tricks you can while you're young."

Elderly man on phone in bed - 'Press 1 if you have bed sores, Press 2 if you need to go to the toilet...'

"I'd like to see you do this online."

'My social life has really picked up lately, with all these health clinic visits.'

'Don't talk to me about joint-pain...'

"Thanks to separations, divorces and remarriages, I've got 20 grandparents."

'We've decided to keep the hip, and replace the rest of you.'

'As I get older I'm scared of losing my memory.'

'Would you stop leaving incontinence leaflets lying about! I've told you, I don't have a problem!'

'I prefer 'Baby Boomer' over 'Senior Citizen'.'

'Heck, this is nothing, why when I was a kid, we'd have snow clear up to here.'

'It's simple, really - unless and until all our demands are met, we keep crying.'

'You're deliberately putting yourself at risk of ill health by being over 65...'

"First they make you button your own shirt, then they make you tie your own shoes...you gotta ask yourself ? where's this all heading?"

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'

'It's either a boo-boo or an owwie, but the doctors need to run some more tests before they decide.'

'of course I know the value of a dollar...That's why I asked for ten of them.'

'I've got so many aches and pains that a new one would have to wait a week before I could feel it.'

"Well, for starters, Matt has been showing definite improvement in risk-taking."

'How do you feel when you get up in the morning?' 'Amazed!'

'Yeah. Yeah... Wolf, girl, grandma. I got the picture.'