Grandparents Gifts

An old woman measuring the decreasing height of an old man using a height chart

"I don't care how good he is. Ain't nobody can get a short on Jeffrey."

"Enough!"

'They want your underwear.'

Baby in womb chooses from multiple choice pregnancy symptoms...

Who said romance is dead?

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"The Icarus story is just that- a story."

"OMG! I just got born!"

"He's complaining of chest pain, shortness of breath, cramps and dizziness. Do you sell earplugs?"

'Ocean view, or would you prefer to watch them fight over the will?'

'I think we should both write our wills, just in case anything happens.'

Inside One's Memory Bank

"If I knew what our 401k was doing maybe I could sleep."

Now that the last child had finally left for college, Dot and Neville went through the usual 'empty nest' grieving process.

'I can't move in with my parents. They moved in with my grandparents.

Long custody battle.

'When your grandparents said they were going to drop in on us, I didn't think they meant literally.'

Snowman's Dentures.

'Okay, we grew old together - Now what?'

Baby talk 101 - Whaaaaa! 'This is a good one. It means, 'Until my every need is met, your life will be hell'.'

'When we were young we used to dress like our parents - these days parents dress like their children!'

'Thank God we're cute. You only get one chance to make a good first impression.'

Grandma Telephone

"I'm warning you - peas and carrots are gateway vegetables."

"You only hear the things you want to hear."

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

"If we take a late retirement and an early death, we'll just squeak by."

'We've created a teenager!'

"As a Baby Boomer, I never thought the boom would be the sound of my retirement accounts collapsing."

"You'd better ask your grandparents about that, son - my generation is very uncomfortable talking about abstinence."

'Hey kid, what are you in for?'

'Well - how has everyone wasted time and energy today?'

"Well, dear, we finally finished reading all the manuals to life. Shall we go out and do some living now?"

Estate Sale! All the stuff my kids said they don't want to inherit.