Government Agent Gifts

"Hello. We're from the Government, and we mean you no harm."

"Here's our mission statement. Read it, commit it to memory and then eat it."

'Here y'go. Keep in touch.'

"Hacking and eavesdropping are my top skills. I guess you could say I'm a good listener."

"Here's a juicy bit of gossip for you!"

"With the fortune we have spent in technology, informers and spies around the world, how is it possible that you still haven't found where the heck is Wally?"

Statue of Liberty spies on people.

'Are you sure your new day laborer is a legal alien?'

Sign of the devil/sign of the times.

'We're looking for somebody to work on our new top secret project. Can you tell me what kind of experience you have?'

CIA Goes Back To School.

Federal witness protection agency.

The new, green CIA.

'Robert, have you REALLY been employed as an undercover Secret Service agent for the past thirty years?'

Spy vs. Spy

Agent with security case proposes to girlfriend with ring that has a tiny security case chained to it.

"It seems our precious three year old hacked into the White House with his playtime computer!"

'He's a double agent ..MI6 of one and half a dozen of the other'

'Henry, I know you are CIA, but can't you read the kids a declassified bedroom story?'

'The Fed eases up sometimes, but Walter never does.'

We don't suspect you of helping Russia blackmail the president. It's your college roommate, Rudy Park. He's the mole. Ithee. Thn hwcm imn hur? You and I go way back, Lemont. Of all the journalists I've monitored, you're by far my favorite. Mmble. Huh? I said "Untie me and let me go, you fascist, jack-booted thug!" Anyway, you've heard of "Deep Throat," right? Well ... first thing we need to do is come up with a good code name for me.

'What I don't understand is how all three of us managed to get the figures wrong!'

The Anti-Agent

"Bond James, Bond."

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

James Bond in a Snow Globe

"One more time, Mr Claus - who sold you the data?"

'Look - a starfish, its manager, its agent, its minders, its significant other, its make-up artist, its personal trainer, its secretary, its astrologer, its feng shui consultant...'

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

'Taxes are going up, but that's no excuse to earn less, Mr. Syms.'

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

Health Advisory: Flint Water has lead, Ann Arbor water has dioxane.

MacGyver's Cat: 'You see, I took your bed and two paper clips and made it my bed.'

It's a new government directive requiring us to be 58% more cheerful within 18 months.

"Either we spend millions on new technology to erase each agent's memory following a sensitive assignment, or we just start hiring people over fifty."