Gourmet Drinker Gifts

"I love craft beer! It's opened an exciting new world of snobbery for me."

"An everything Martini, please."

'It's a taste I think I can say I've acquired.'

'When I first saw here I thought I'd died and gone to heaven, but not with beer at these prices!'

'It's from the local microbrewery.'

"I find a good cabernet is the best way to put my money where my mouth is."

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"You're the lid to my pot."

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"I cook the sausages in French mineral water, I wear a French beret and I can call you 'Monsieur'."

The Main Types of Cheese

Too much cilantro

"Keep your glasses on. It will look like twice as much."

To do before Saturday...

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Grass...Grass and more damn grass... What I wouldn't give for a lightly poached Dover sole with a garlic infused tarragon sauce."

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

Cheese

'Is this still America?'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

Recipes from The Lying Gourmet

"I use broccoli rabe as a litmus test."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

Holiday Supplies

"Spoiler alert! If you read the specials, you'll find out the Chef's Surprise!"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

'Six different chefs in six months and they still can't make a decent broth!'