Gourmet Cheese Gifts

Cheese Anxiety Magazine

"I was with you right up to the cumin."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Boil, toil and trouble, I wish I'd never started this risotto."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"When I was your age. I was really smelly."

The wonderful world of cheese.

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

"Yo, Cézanne, paint faster. I need those grapes for the Madeira sauce."

Like, Latte. So that's a vanilla almond with soy, extra foam, whipped cream, nutmeg, and caramel. Leave room for coffee?

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"So this coffee shop if your 'hangout'?"

Cookbooks

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

Careful, the plate's probably still hot.

"I just finished your manuscript and I found the ending delicious."

"And I'm teaming that burned sausage up with a warm, flat local lager."

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'Waiter...my entrée fell over.'

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

"I read somewhere that truffles are a gateway fungus."

French wine

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"I forgot to take a pic of the tacos."

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Hmmm ... you're right — I forgot the brie."

Gaston's Gourmet Truckstop

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

To do before Saturday...

"Yes, we have blue cheese. Do you want it in electric, sky or navy blue?"

"All the butter was gone. There was no way out. The puff pastry had to be made with margarine... from a tub."