Golf Range Raconteur Gifts

Practice Putting in the Sand Pit

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Let's send her a text message; 'You're FIRED!''

"The boss says he can remember the day I first started...but nothing after that."

'No.... My cat doesn't like being given pills either...'

"I recommend number five if you have only $20 so that you can still leave a tip."

"I'm Todd, your waiter, and I'd like you to think our friendship is more than contextual."

'Are you blind ref?'

'..The wolves have got the sheep pinned against their own 1-yard line again!'

I'm a gangster rap fan too!

'Oh, really? I work for little softy.'

'Leader shy and angler wise I can put up with - it's the darn insolence that bothers me.'

Dog orders the food 9 out of 10 dogs prefer.

"House red, sir?"

'Are these mushrooms or toadstools? And why are you holding a stomach pump?.'

Road Kill Cafe.

"I'll need a three iron."

"Do you have this in an $11.99?"

'Hello, Doc Barnes? I just got your bill. You've just bought yourself a cow.'

"You bet I had it mounted, it gave me the best fight of my life."

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

'In a four-star restaurant, one's hat does not fall into the cassoulet de castenaudary. But if ones hat does fall into the cassoulet de castelnaudary, one does not put it back on one's head.'

"But you got some good reviews too, yeah?"

'Hi, I'm Leo. How's the food here?'

"Sparkling, Still, or Gushing?"

Crime and punishment - football.

"His online profile said he was a "silverback", but in fact, he was just old..."

'I hear there are some mighty big deer in these woods.'

'Mister Nooka, taking over the frozen food division.'

Harold Was Done Asking Customers About Their Day

'We're out of pheasant under glass, M'sieur — is duck soup close enough?'

'I don't have any fish. . . Because I catch and release, yeah, that's it, catch and release!'

'Sorry, the bag boy's down with the flu,'