Golf Course Demons Gifts

'Gloria, tell my nine-o'clock to go to hell.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'Hole in one!!!!'

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

'He lived and died for golf.'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

God in the bunker.

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

'Well done, Evan; you only missed a hole-in-one by 7 strokes.'

'What's this filed under G?'

'I knew we should have put the CEO's increased bonus item further down the agenda.'

"Oooh! I never knew your butt could move like that, honey!"

"Hurry up Ted, or are you going to spend all day in that bunker?"

'You're the only person I know who takes divots on the green.'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

Things get heated at the outing.

'Have I told you that sometimes I become furious, that I've got a previous conviction for bodily harm and that I hate to lose?'

"On the sixteenth hole? I can sympathize with you, but I can't let you go back and finish the round!"

Desert Island golf

Suddenly, on the 18th tee at Augusta, Leonard whales on his air guitar right in the middle of a backswing.

'I'm sure it is comfortable. But you really should use a golf cart like the rest of us.'

If golfers were honest with themselves.

'Our company drone found you on the golf course yesterday after you called in sick.'

'...But Dewey here just won't let it go. So he tells Vern, 'Ok, I triple-dog-dare you to stick a putter in your ear'...'

'Lunge out of the water and slap his face!? ... Oh, that's real effective, Leonard.'

"I told you it was a rough course to play."

'He's a true hero.'

"Mom, Dad's in my sand pit again."

Old Age Golf

Tiger out of Woods

"Now take your time. . . birdie or promotion."

Golfer crying over the grave of a sandwedge

'At least when we lived on a golf course, I could use the balls that fell into our yard.'

'And now time for operation: Hit golf balls into windows!'