Golf Course Comic Relief Gifts

'Lunge out of the water and slap his face!? ... Oh, that's real effective, Leonard.'

"Oooh... Look, honey. Scarlet macaws! You know, they mate for life." "That's what you think."

Overjumpers

Donald Trump Playing Golf With Hair On Fire

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

Look! Up in the sky! It's absurd! It's inane! It's Malaprop Man! Malaprop Man, I hear you're fighting climate change now. Yes starting with solo panels, I'm reducing greenhouse guesses! I'm investing in buttery technology. I'm going to have windmeals. And of course, I've stopped drinking cola. Why is that? I'll have a smaller carbonated footprint!

'Hole in one!!!!'

"We are gathered here to morn the passing of Bob Opossum."

"Yes, three of a kind beats two pair."

"It says here on your resume that one of your qualities is a sense of humor. Care to elaborate?"

'I don't think there's any hope for my golf game.'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

"Saving Lois Lane a dozen times doesn't mean you can claim her as a dependent on your taxes."

'I think my teacher has a crush on me. She's holding me back for another year.'

Tourist in the desert

Break Glass in Case of Stress

'...but you can't keep imagining you're going downhill!'

"Okay...just this once...but no more practice swings!"

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

"Remember when we were young and could finish a round without one of us having to run off to mark his territory?"

Of course I've not dusted - You know I favour a matt finish!'

'Let's face it...We have irreconcilable differences!'

Clown riding unicycle exercise machine at health club.

"I used to waste a lot of time explaining myself to family, friends and shrinks. Now I only explain myself to Rick."

'I must be getting good, because my Dad told me to go play for the neighbours!'

'Nothing to worry about, Mr. Jenkins, some people do have a mild reaction to the flu shot!'

Hole in forty-seven.

"Having captions above makes me feel like I'm doing grand opera."

'Sorry, but I don't think you're right for our company.'

"After Harry was gone I started decorating the house as a distraction. It was around the time I was wallpapering the driveway that I thought I should seek grief counseling."

We are shaped by what we love! Especially pizza and doughnuts!

'I don't want bread crumbs. I'd prefer some money to buy a cheeseburger.'

'20 of medical opinion may change every five years...but it wont be the 20 that says smoking 20 a day and being 5 stone overweight is bad for you.'

"I can't tell if Ed is taking a long time to line up his shot... Or if he fell asleep again!"

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'