Golf Course Giggles Gifts

"Remember when we were young and could finish a round without one of us having to run off to mark his territory?"

Donald Trump Playing Golf With Hair On Fire

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

'Hole in one!!!!'

'I don't think there's any hope for my golf game.'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

Cat Gets Hole in One.

"You're way too strong Dad: You've overshot the green by about two hundred metres..."

"Okay...just this once...but no more practice swings!"

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

'Well done, Evan; you only missed a hole-in-one by 7 strokes.'

"I'll need a three iron."

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"Oooh! I never knew your butt could move like that, honey!"

Smite Golfer or Cow?

"Hurry up Ted, or are you going to spend all day in that bunker?"

'You're the only person I know who takes divots on the green.'

"So he pulls out a 1 iorn, see? I say to him. Bob I says, not even God can hit a 1 iron. Then, there was a flash of light and boom!"

'Have I told you that sometimes I become furious, that I've got a previous conviction for bodily harm and that I hate to lose?'

'He's definitely not a top flite.'

"Lady!!! Could we turn down the A.C.?!"

'I'm sure it is comfortable. But you really should use a golf cart like the rest of us.'

If golfers were honest with themselves.

'Lunge out of the water and slap his face!? ... Oh, that's real effective, Leonard.'

'Gloria, tell my nine-o'clock to go to hell.'

'Our company drone found you on the golf course yesterday after you called in sick.'

'That's why we're vice-presidents, and he's president.'

Man pelted with golf balls.

'I don't think I am the worst caddy in the world... That would be just too much of a coincidence!'

Old Age Golf

"We're either going to have to remove it or put instructions on it..."

"It's hard to say if your game is improving, but that's definitely the first divot-in-one I've ever seen."

"No, not yet."

"Now take your time. . . birdie or promotion."