Golfing Giggler Gifts

'If you want to improve your golf score, the best wood to use is a pencil with an eraser.'

"I'll need a three iron."

Common golf problems. Butcher - slice, Pirate - hook.

Cavemen Play Golf.

'These are my 'golfing socks'... there's a hole in one!'

A prehistoric man is golfing . . .He requests 'club' from his caddy.

The Busy Gardener

I was holding out okay, until he made it into crumb cake.

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

'You must be Jim's new gardener. I'm his neighbour, Gerald. Had any luck with the Petunias this year? Aren't those Jim's feet sticking out of the ornamental pond?'

"I wanted to plant my own food, but I couldn't find bacon seeds!"

'A rose by any other name means I flunked the botany test.'

"This is bishop’s weed — always pee on it. Tell your friends."

Hardy Annuals

"Garden variety allergies."

"Hello Mr Flower. You've got a pretty face. But your feet are filthy."

Beginning Yarder.

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

Yard Sale

Look at the size of that fork. She must be very hungry!

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

"What are you in for?"

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

Garden of Eden and scrumping

'...and this is the water garden...'

'Where are you going?'

'I wish to refer you to a tree surgeon. You have all the symptoms of Dutch Elm disease!'

Balding gnomes

I'm going for former flower children. Tree's Tree Nursery. Legal pot. Legal grass. Festuca. Carex. Miscanthus.

Garden Talk - "I've decided to do some muck spreading."

"I now recognize the basement was a bad idea."

'I'm not making a mess, Mom -- I'm becoming one with the Earth!'

Now THAT, my friend, is a beer garden!

Technical Terms Explained: Suckers.

"I used to have A Green thumb but it was mainly for hedge funds."