Golf Course Demons Pillows

'Gloria, tell my nine-o'clock to go to hell.'

Golfer to other: 'I've never seen anyone slice a putt before.'

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

'Almost anyone can learn to play golf, and you're the 'almost'.'

'I'm finding the greens a bit slow.'

'He lived and died for golf.'

Tom, you may not want to pause so long at the top of your swing.

'Well done, Evan; you only missed a hole-in-one by 7 strokes.'

'What's this filed under G?'

'I knew we should have put the CEO's increased bonus item further down the agenda.'

"Oooh! I never knew your butt could move like that, honey!"

'You're the only person I know who takes divots on the green.'

"On the sixteenth hole? I can sympathize with you, but I can't let you go back and finish the round!"

Things get heated at the outing.

Suddenly, on the 18th tee at Augusta, Leonard whales on his air guitar right in the middle of a backswing.

Desert Island golf

'Have I told you that sometimes I become furious, that I've got a previous conviction for bodily harm and that I hate to lose?'

'I'm sure it is comfortable. But you really should use a golf cart like the rest of us.'

'Lunge out of the water and slap his face!? ... Oh, that's real effective, Leonard.'

'Our company drone found you on the golf course yesterday after you called in sick.'

"I told you it was a rough course to play."

'...But Dewey here just won't let it go. So he tells Vern, 'Ok, I triple-dog-dare you to stick a putter in your ear'...'

If golfers were honest with themselves.

'He's a true hero.'

"Mom, Dad's in my sand pit again."

"Now take your time. . . birdie or promotion."

Old Age Golf

Golfer crying over the grave of a sandwedge

'At least when we lived on a golf course, I could use the balls that fell into our yard.'

'And now time for operation: Hit golf balls into windows!'