Golf Course Ghost Pillows

'He lived and died for golf.'

The Golfing Accident

A man is trying to play golf with a football boot attached to a stick.

"Sarah's grades are excellent. She got A+ in 'Yogi Berra: Philosopher or Fall Guy?,' A in 'Dollars and Scents: An Analysis of Post-Vietnam Perfume Advertising,' A in 'The Final Four as Last Judgment: The N.C.A.A. Tournament from a Religious Perspective,'

"When will somebody cut the grass?"

Gopher underground hit by golf tee.

"Remember when we were young and could finish a round without one of us having to run off to mark his territory?"

'On to the office again?' - 'No, my pro.'

'The Wedge. I thought you asked me for the Wedgie.'

"On the sixteenth hole? I can sympathize with you, but I can't let you go back and finish the round!"

When Paul finally emerges, his partner is gone, and he is left to finish the round with a cooler of beer all to himself and no one to catch him cheating.

'Every year, I make a New Year's resolution, but I never stick to it, and it's embarrassing when people ask me about it...this year I'm just going to lie through my teeth when people ask.'

Suddenly, on the 18th tee at Augusta, Leonard whales on his air guitar right in the middle of a backswing.

"The king of divots, every game is played like the last."

'... Before you two tee off, however, I must explain our playoff rules, as they differ somewhat from 'sudden death' rules in other golf tournaments.'

'Gloria, tell my nine-o'clock to go to hell.'

'Didn't I tell you it would be a mistake to allow mixed competition?'

"Gee! It must be great living next to a golf course!"

'Lunge out of the water and slap his face!? ... Oh, that's real effective, Leonard.'

"I told you it was a rough course to play."

'Our company drone found you on the golf course yesterday after you called in sick.'

'...But Dewey here just won't let it go. So he tells Vern, 'Ok, I triple-dog-dare you to stick a putter in your ear'...'

'Don't you think you're carrying this 'oversized' thing a bit too far?'

"How 'bout them brakes, huh?"

'He's a true hero.'

'Which way to the club house?'

'A remote controlled golf ball! Yes, of course!'

'Machete.'

Tiger out of Woods

Eternal Rest Cemetery and Golf Course.

I'm not sure, but I like to think it's because I was always very careful to replace my divots.

You'll knock 'em dead at that outdoor sports event this weekend.

"Well you always said you'd get your name in the trophy cabinet, Jennings."

Uber Driver

'I just found out my wife ran away with my best friend. NOW who am I supposed to play golf with?'