God's Humorist Gifts

"It feels like God has sent us all to our rooms to think about what we've done."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Well, we needed the rain."

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Candy wuld be nice onice in a while."

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

Divine Desk Bins

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

Giving Things Up For Lent.

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

The Older Testament: An Origin Story

'Read that last part back to me.'