God's Humorist Pillows

"It feels like God has sent us all to our rooms to think about what we've done."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

"Guess who brought king cake!"

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

Moses separating his Laundry.

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

"Well, we needed the rain."

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

"Candy wuld be nice onice in a while."

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

"If you think you made a stink pulling the fruit, try pulling His finger."

Divine Desk Bins

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

I'm sorry, all our angels are busy at the moment. Please hold and your prayers will be answered in the order it was received.

'Oh-oh -- What hath He wrought now?'

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

Giving Things Up For Lent.

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Read that last part back to me.'

The Older Testament: An Origin Story