Godly Humorists Pillows

"Don't make me come down there!"

Divine Desk Bins

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Sure - After the aggressive guys wear it all out!"

"Candy wuld be nice onice in a while."

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

'No, smart guy -- it means all of them at once!'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

'Adam and Eve in the garden of Sweden'

Moses uses the burning bush to roast a kosher frank

Ten Commandments

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

'We'd better speed up the Eve project -- Adam's got himself an imaginary playmate.'

"Moses, some of the people are requesting gluten free manna."

'Eve wants a second opinion about the apples.'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

"And on the twelfth day the Lord just puttered around... Did I put that cloud there? Looks out of place. Did I do that? Oh, well..."

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

"Perhaps more people would give heed unto the word of the Lord if the Lord had a funny blog."

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

The Older Testament: An Origin Story

Sermon Applause.

"Actually, I think it's a cluster of SCUD missiles heading our way!"