Godly Humorist Gifts

"I may be a jackal-headed god of the underworld, Janet, but I'm also your lawyer."

"They say it takes 10,000 hours to perfect something- I guess I was a bit hasty throwing that together in 144."

'Fine. You can have music. I'll be the god of ... of ... speedy delivery! I will be The Fleet-Footed Messenger of the Gods.'

"Gee, I always figured him for No. 1!"

"Do you smell something burning?"

"Candy wuld be nice onice in a while."

"Guess who brought king cake!"

"We only got six days of funding."

"Too 'Book of Genesis'?"

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"The Lord works in mysterious ways, I mean, alpacas? What are they? It’s like Bob Seger mated with a llama."

'No! No more harps! I can't take it anymore.'

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

'What - NINE whole lives for only ONE eternity?'

'I was hoping you'd sign them 'To my good buddy Moses!''

"Intelligent design...well, duh!"

"Well, we needed the rain."

'Why me Lord?' '...because yo have animal magnetism Noah...'

"Surgery up here is free!"

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"I don't know… Did you try Googling it?"

'Okay, found you. Now let's open the 'Review' link...'

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

"All we have left is standing room only."

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

The Adventures of God

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

'Let's have some fun... give Eve extra memory.'

'It's not for myself, you understand."

A surprise in heaven

'I don't care what the blueprints say, I'm certain HE strongly suggested a roof.'

'We've re-branded.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'