Glasses Gurus Gifts

"Over here."

'I-need-bifocal-itis.'

'Got one in English?'

"Rex, Rex, put your glasses on! Don't sniff that bottom, it's not another dog: it's a skunk!"

CLOTHES-HORSES OF THE ART SCENE

Handbag store - "Perfect."

'We live in difficult times. These underwear don't help one bit.'

'She's so put together!'

'Good news - basic black is being shown this season.'

A women in a shoeshop.

"Most of these pelts were suicides."

"Absolutely not!"

"I feel like we've walked into some sort of epidemic of hipatitus."

Keeping warm.

Bottle Bank: For the Colour Blind.

"You look great. One problem though: I'm the one who goes to work."

'Do you like my little black number?'

Mr Metrosexual.

At the suit makers

'This is our bestselling power tie. Just put it on and clap twice.'

"I can't imagine why we didn't think of this before."

"Diamonds are so three billion years ago..."

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

'Trust me, it's very proper to mix stripes.'

His and Her wardrobe's

"A naked dress is perfect when you have nothing to wear."

'She thinks it makes her look enigmatic.'

'Do you have anything a little longer in the leg ?'

"That shirt is so last year."

'I can't move in, Ted - your lifestyle is too modern. And your furniture is way too modern.'

"Amazing! It's the season of me!"

"Everybody should live in a market economy. It's terrific."

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."