Glassware Guru Gifts

'I like to get here right when Dave opens up, and get a clean glass.'

'I had a cough at the time.'

"Oh My God - surely the finest varietal themed stemware I've ever tasted from."

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

Bottle Bank: For the Colour Blind.

Tommy Cooper at the bottle bank - Glass, Bottle, Bottle, Glass..

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

It's our new twin-handle beer mug. It's for manly, two-fisted drinkers, as well as weaklings like you who can't lift it with one hand.

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

Potichomania (The art of decorating glass), as carried out by Master Tom in the Easter holidays.

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

"Your problem isn't the prescription."

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'

"I wanted to make it look like the ones at church."

'Crikey, you've got to have good eye-sight to look through those glasses, haven't you?'

'Don't worry...you'll grow into them.'

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

Drinking Hats

"Clean your specs, lady?"

'Guess who I bumped into today? EVERYBODY!'

'The spots are much clearer.'

"It's ok for you! My cartoonist just can't adapt to his new varifocals!!"

"Would you rather be smart or funny?"

'Sir Steve Austin is here to see you.'

"Everybody says that without the specs I look like Grover Cleveland and with them I look like Theodore Roosevelt."

Same Day Glasses - "They'll be ready in a month. It's not my fault you couldn't read the fine print."

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"

Wine-tasting Tour.

Checking new spectacles.

'I-need-bifocal-itis.'