Glass Cleaning Guru Gifts

Glass cleaning beggars wash man's car and glasses.

"I just cleaned that glass! How can it already be covered in nose prints?!"

'Is the glass half full, Wally, or half empty?' - 'Oh, oh! Trick question!'

Tommy Cooper at the bottle bank - Glass, Bottle, Bottle, Glass..

Bottle Bank: For the Colour Blind.

'No, you're not calling at a bad time. I'm a professional wine taster - it's alwasys a good time.'

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

The Optician At Home: "....And it didn't fit the other sister, either. Then Cinderella tried on the glasses, and she could see perfectly."

"Our business is based on breakthroughs."

'Your house is spotless, your children are well behaved and dinner was delicious. How do you do it?'

Glass and Porcelain Store: Elephants must remain outside.

"Where do you remember last seeing your glasses?"

"I've had these glasses since I was a kid, when my doctor told me I'd grow into them..."

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

I'm organizing the house. Can I help? Do you have any storage bins for stuff we don't use very often? Hold on. I have just the thing! Thanks, mom.

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

'Why not Google it?'

Heavy-duty, super-capacity, two speeds, 10 cycles. All of them vicious.

'Crikey, you've got to have good eye-sight to look through those glasses, haven't you?'

"Namaste."

"Your problem isn't the prescription."

'Just one more and this puppy is headed for another bar.'

'I'm thinking about laser eye surgery.'

'Don't worry...you'll grow into them.'

'Nicely done. You may have double-vision, but it's 20-20, 20-20.'

'Guess who I bumped into today? EVERYBODY!'

"Clean your specs, lady?"

"It's ok for you! My cartoonist just can't adapt to his new varifocals!!"

"Would you rather be smart or funny?"

'The spots are much clearer.'

"Everybody says that without the specs I look like Grover Cleveland and with them I look like Theodore Roosevelt."

Same Day Glasses - "They'll be ready in a month. It's not my fault you couldn't read the fine print."

'Well you're an eye doctor aren't you'

"I know the schools are great, but is this really the house we want to ride out the apocalypse in?"