Giggle Gourmet Gifts

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

Without telling me, you invested my salary in The Infant Restaurant Critic. It's a funny story, actually … Weeks earlier, the cafe got a visit from a baby whose screaming and yelling can make or break the restaurant. If the baby eats the food, the eatery gets a good review online. If not, ouch. It's not Yelp, more like yell. Or whine. But like so many subjective concepts, this one can be corrupted. It turned out that the entrepreneurs behind The Infant Restaurant Critic were willing to compromis

'Waiter there is a candlestick in my soup!'

Why cats don't cook. (sign on wall reads: Federal Law requires all employees to wear hairnets)

All You Can Eat Buffet: "Remember, my safe word is 'Diabetes.'"

Zombie standup

Too Many Lawyers Spoil the Broth

'Oh man I've got a splitting headache.'

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

'Good girl, Carol - now hands up all those who have lost their pens.'

'I started out washing dishes, but when the dishwater tasted better than the soup...'

It turns out they don't go together so well,

"I feel like we are the polyester of dairy products."

Clown's Comedy Fart.

The Main Types of Cheese

'I think I'll go home and eat'

'Nowadays we want all our food to be ethically sourced, Personally I'd be happy if it was all chocolated sauced,'

"No thanks, I'm stuffed."

"The recipe said to let the chicken rest after it comes out of the oven!"

"He is throwing another of his 'hissy fits' again!"

'Since laughter is the best medicine, I have a joke, Hee, Hee, Haw,Ha!...that could simply wipe out your Infectious Mononucleosis!'

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'For a small extra charge, we can provide a specially-formulated digestive enzyme.'

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

'Eight wiener dogs, and six rolls. It's just not right.'

'The girls must be feeling better...'

'No, this metal stress can't be fixed with liberal doses of antidepressants.'

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"The chef recommends the tilapia. However, I really like the vodka."

"I might just get a pie."

"I can't see a blinkin' thing."

'This place is really classy. They bring the microwave right to your table!'

'The dripping keeps me awake!'

'You'll find it has a bouquet reminiscent of cherries and chocolate, a silky texture and best of all, for me, a 72% gross margin.'

'To be honest I'm sick of truffles.'