Gift-giving Gaffe Enthusiast Pillows

'I'm lousy at picking out gifts. Last year I gave her money, which was great until the dye-pack exploded.'

"I think you've overfed the plant!"

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"...And don't forget to include the receipts!"

Visit Santa today...sponsored by Acme Razor Company

'A 1982 bottle of KMart Beaujolais Nouveau? You shouldn't have, really. I mean you really, really shouldn't have...really.'

'Just what I wanted. Not!'

"We still don't have a diagnosis for your rash, so we're going to run some more money on it and see what happens."

Father Goldfish: 'One day Son, this will all be yours.'

'I guess a facial hair removal kit isn't a good anniversary present.'

'Get her a teddy bear I said, not a bear in a teddy!'

'It was a strange Christmas this year - Everybody gave me breath mints.'

"It's a gift for the tooth fairy so I used dental floss instead of ribbon."

'I put hopeless at Christmas shopping into a search engine and your name came up!'

"My wife's bra size? I don't know, about like this I guess."

Mr James

Rodney kicked off his fitness regime by buying a heavier remote control...this was not enough.

A homeless man sells t-shirts of himself.

Please give so I don't have to sell reindeer blood for wine money.

Funeral Directors signs say 'Sale - Shop till you drop!'

'An email birthday card isn't enough. It's not the thought that counts, it's what's BOUGHT that counts.'

A snake attempts to wrap a present

Mitt shoots off his own feet.

Snow Stab.

'If I really was, do you think the kids would have even bothered to buy me a gift?'

What He Meant To Say...

Joe Binden's Secrets of Public Speaking.

"I need to buy a really good bottle of wine, as a gift, and I know absolutely nothing about wine. Can you recommend one?"

"We will need to triple the budget for this year's gifts."

"Nobody gets excited about fruitcake."