Awkward Gift-giver Pillows

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

"They ran out of bouquets."

'I need some help finding the perfect gift for that not so perfect someone.'

'The party at school was awful! -- The teacher didn't like the Valentine underwear I got for her.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

Another day at work would be one too many...

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

Ball as water-melon.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

A watch face with Stonehenge

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

Where Deviled Eggs come from

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

'Oh, we have an excellent benefits package ??" major medical, dental plan, vacation, retirement, nude encounter sessions....'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

Santa's Helpers

"Roadkill cookies"

"Pass that."

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

International House of Excrement

Regifts of the Magi

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

"What seems to be the problem?"

'Buy two pounds and I'll throw in the sword.'

Notorious gangsters, Bunny and Clyde.