Misunderstood Gift-giver Pillows

'Get her a teddy bear I said, not a bear in a teddy!'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Santa recalled thousands of toys ― he delivered them to kids who're in fact naughty.'

Mighty Man Of Justice Goes Christmas Shopping Part 1

"A GPS! Thanks guys! It's exactly what I need to guide my sleigh...you know, in light of that unfortunate hunting accident."

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

celebrating a birth.

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

'You got anything that says I put some thought into this gift?'

'Yeah, yeah, very cute... she couldn't have just sent me an e-card?'

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

'No sharing gifts! You get the Teddy Bear, he gets the bone.'

Psychiatrist says: 'Oh, no! Not another fruit cake?'

That must be my computer date... (Answers door to robot).

Love.

'Kids like my presents, but do they really like me?'

Birthday Racing Car

I'm worried about Uncle Mort. He's still in jail for refusing to reveal his secret source? Not just that. It's his relationship with Sadie. I feel like … What? She says she wants him back, but I'm not sure. Why would you say something like that? Your sweetie made you a saw with a cake in it. Oooh.

"Shouldn't have, you really."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

This year Mike decides to make his own Valentine's cards.

"Remember when we talked about how you send mixed messages. . ."

'Why thankyou! ... and I've got one for you!'

Valentines Balloons

'We may need to remove your spleen because it might not be doing whatever it is the spleen does.'

'I gotta bad feeling about this.'

My therapist cured me of using humour as a defense...these days I pack a .45.

'And that,and that,and that...'

'Awww, isn't that nice: This one says 'PS: Love to Rudolph!''

'I don't need to know what it is when it's on sale.'

'Aha! You can tell Dottie and the kids I didn't forget their presents!'

"It's not a moustache kiddo: It's nasal hair..."

"Recycled, Wayne, we'd prefer 'recycled'."

'And it comes with oven mitts, butter, sour cream and chives.'