The Gift Skeptic Pillows

"Nobody gets excited about fruitcake."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

E-vac-u-ate! E-vac-u-ate! . . . I've just farted. . ."

Ball as water-melon.

A watch face with Stonehenge

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'

Where Deviled Eggs come from

Customer entering bank that is touting number of toasters given away

T-Rex Game of Choice - Ping Pong

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"Shouldn't have, you really."

'The worst thing about it is I'm claustrophobic.'

"Roadkill cookies"

Santa's Helpers

"It's a great story, funny and entertaining - and better still it's not won a single prize for literature."

"Pass that."

International House of Excrement

Regifts of the Magi

Fish mobsters.

Notorious gangsters, Bunny and Clyde.

"What seems to be the problem?"

'If you're out and about today don't forget the pith helmet.'

'Buy two pounds and I'll throw in the sword.'

'...You're just not built to take selfies.'

'Hey! You're not for real, are you man?'

"I've been really craving Italian food for months now. Can you grab me two kilos of rigatoni, three kilos of fettuccini, and a bigger shell? The one I have is feeling a bit too tight lately."

Captionless: A fisherman is handed his bobbin and fishing hook by a octopus

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

"That's $20 for you if you pluck the tail feathers off my rival over there..."

"...And our 'Holiday Scented' candle smells just like credit cards."

Traffic calming ahead.

A man's brain is in a glass on his bed stand next to his dentures.

'My 'friend' has this problem, Doctor!'